How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself
Friend, it is time to get out of your own way.
If you’re looking to break the cycle of self sabotage, read on for some potent insights and epic journal prompts to help you start making lasting changes in your life—change that begins with simple awareness and non-judgemental curiosity.
In order to create change it’s important to first understand why you are engaging in behaviors and thoughts that disrupt or negatively impact your life in the first place.
BUT FIRST . . .
What is self sabotage?
Self sabotage is defined as any behavior that is self destructive, creating problems in daily life. These behaviors will impact someone’s personal and/or professional life. Some common examples include:
perfectionism
alcohol or substance use / abuse
self harming
procrastination / avoidance
gambling
emotional eating
Self sabotage is a coping skill, just not the healthiest one. It is considered problematic when it begins to impact daily life and someone’s goals and relationships. It often arises when someone becomes triggered (i.e. overwhelmed or distressed by something that affects one’s physical and / or emotional state of well-being).
Why do people self sabotage?
For many people, the root of self sabotage is connected to childhood trauma, neglect, abuse, disrupted parental care, and unmet needs, as all of these tend to lead to a lack of development of healthy coping skills and ability to regulate emotions. Low self esteem, negative self talk and image, and unprocessed negative feelings will all contribute to self sabotage if left unaddressed.
It makes sense that an accrual of unhealthy or limiting beliefs may lead someone to react, suppress their feelings, or lack confidence in their ability to take action in ways that will improve the quality of their life. So what can you do?
How to stop the self sabotage cycle?
I’m so glad you asked, friend! By building awareness and reflecting on your thoughts, beliefs, and responses to the world, you can make a positive shift and start to consciously work toward your life goals. The best way to break this annoying cycle is to track your behavior and begin to look at the excuses you make.
One of the most life changing skills I’ve supported clients with over the years is helping them to identify and understand that underneath their emotions and feelings are needs that are either being met or unmet (hint: “positive” emotions tend to communicate that our needs are being met and “negative” emotions tell us that our need/s are not being met).
A large part of therapeutic work involves learning about the contributors for self sabotage and beginning to satisfy these unmet needs, increasing healthy coping skills in the process that will last a lifetime!
Healing Practices & Journal Prompts to get you started…
Some of the first signs that tell me I’m getting triggered are . . .
Some healthy ways I can practice self compassion when I notice I’m starting to repeat the cycle of self sabotage are . . .
The most common excuses I give for not working towards my goals are . . .
How does it feel to not achieve my goals?
How would it feel if I actually achieved my goals?
When do I feel the most confident? What am I doing? Who am I with?
What are my biggest goals right now?
How can I stay accountable to my goals? Who is positive that can help support me in the process?
If I could release the things that get in the way of being able to achieve my dreams and goals, what needs to fall away?
Friend, it’s no secret that I’m a big fan of a strength based approach to healing. Though this my seem counter-intuitive, another practice you could experiement with is actually honoring and celebrating this part of yourself—self sabotage has done so much for you, trying it’s best to protect you and keep you safe!
Try writing self sabotage a letter or find some way to thank it for all of its hard work, so that YOU can get back in the driver’s seat of your life.
